How to explain Xmas to a 2ton killing machine
by The Invader Androgynous
Summary: There's eight of them, and they're tiny, but they're certainly not reindeer. How do you explain the spirit of the holiday to newly programmed, miniture sentinel? Set after the third movie.
1. Eight Miniature Sentinel

"And then, on the night of Christmas Eve, he gets into his sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, and flies through the air to bring toys to all the good little girls and boys."

"Sheila, what are you doing?" Andi asked, clamoring over the catwalk gate with a pile of thick rubber tubing slung over her left shoulder. Her eyes were a deep color that could have been blue, green, or gray depending on the light. Her hair was so blonde that it was almost white, and shimmered with a strange light.

"Explaining the whole concept of Santa Claus and the magic of Christmas shiznit to Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen over here," Sheila smiled, turning around and helping Andi pull the wires over the gate. Sheila was a mousy girl, somewhere between a redhead and brunette, who had never lost her childhood freckles. Standing the background, saying nothing, was an albino girl named Gauge. It wasn't uncommon for Gauge not to say anything; during the war she'd lost her tongue.

"Yeah, well, they don't seem to interested." Andi gestured to the four tiny machines, one of which was sound asleep. The other three were busy poking one another with their miniature tentacles and making mechanical chirping noises of annoyance at one another. 

"Where's your Christmas spirit, Andi? We finally get to have a celebration without worrying that the machines are gonna bust in and break up our cheer," Sheila replied. 

"Yeah, because this time the machines are invited," Andi sighed. She waved a hand at the infant sentinel. "Come on, guys, I need these wires strung up the walls."

The young machines came forward, chirping and shoving one another. Several other machines were clattering along the walls, mostly full sized adult sentinel, but Andi ignored them. She didn't trust them. They'd been sent by the Machine Empire after peace to "establish a relationship between the human and machine worlds." 

She didn't trust the fact that they'd sent sentinel to establish a relationship. She knew the machines understood exactly how the majority of the free people felt about the sentinel. She feared they were merely looking for an excuse to break the fragile peace and reopen the wounds of war. She was afraid that they lived among the humans not as free will, but as one simple command held back their murderous impulses.

But the young sentinel were different. They'd been "born," among humans, nurtured by a female who had been brought to fight as a traitor to her own kind via the Matriculation process. They'd named her Fluffy, a name she'd chosen to keep even after discovering what her name had been before she'd been Matriculated.

She and another female sentinel with almost identical programming to her own were the only two known sentinels to respond to the Matriculation process. Even her mate and the programming code donator of her young still bore the flaming red eyes that indicated exactly whose side he was on. 

The young sentinel clamored over the walls, stringing the wires behind them as they moved at astonishing speeds by pulling themselves along with their tentacles. They couldn't quite fly yet, but they'd advanced a long way from how mobile they'd been when she'd first laid eyes on them.

"Sheila, do you remember the first time we saw them? The babies?" she asked, her eyes on the young.

"Yeah. We came back from the last battle and Fluffy came to great us… with a single file line of eight tiny sentinels following her. We almost didn't believe it was real, that the machines could have offspring… but there they were."

Andi bit her index finger as she often did when she was lost in thought. "They're going to start welding the tree later today. We should gather up the young and let them watch. As much as I hate to admit it, the machines are right in saying that integrating them into our world is the only way to hope for lasting peace. I'll ask Fluffy to bring them."

Andi found Michallis playing with three of the remaining unaccounted for infant sentinel, while their "mother" lounged against a wall, her eyes the deep gray color that indicated she'd powered down to rest her processors. "Powered down in the middle of the day?" Andi asked.

"Babies nursed her dry again. She's recharging her battery."

"You little gluttons!" Andi cried in mock surprise, picking up the infant named Zoom and spinning him around. "Always picking on your poor mother!" Zoom made a confused whirring noise and wrapped his tentacles around her neck, pulling himself up and onto her shoulder. He was a bit heavy, but Andi had gotten used to him perching on her like he was an oversized black parrot. "What are you doing?"

"Teaching the babies 'bout the holidays," Michallis responded. "I was trying to carve one of those… spiny… Jewish… top… thingies… for them, but it isn't working out very well."

"I'm afraid I don't know what it's called, either. I do know it will be nice to really celebrate, and celebrate hard. I plan on having myself enough simulated eggnog that I'll have one heck of a psychosomatic hangover in the morning."

Michallis looked confused, and Andi decided her joke wasn't very funny. "They're going to weld the tree later today. When Fluffy wakes up, ask her to bring the babies down. They'd enjoy watching it, I thi…" Andi cut off her sentence in mid-word because of the dark shadow that fell over her. 

Hanging on the ceiling like a radioactive spider was an oversized, bullet-hole ridden black and brown spotted male. "Spot. Lovely to see you," Andi said cooly. She had to respect Spot on some level. Without him, Fluffy would likely be dead. On the other hand, he made his distaste for humans apparent in every way he could, and he was so wild it made even the most liberal of people on the subject of machines living in the cities nervous.

On the third hand that she didn't have, but that he did, he had donated half the programming that was in the baby sentinels, so she had to at least put up with him. After all, the infants simply adored him, as evidenced by how they would perk up and wag their little tentacles whenever he saw fit to descend from his perch clinging to the ceiling.

Spot roughly pushed Andi with his head as he shoved her aside, pushing his way over to the bounding infants. They were all making high-pitched noises in his direction, a sign that they were using short-distance communication to talk to him. Spot listened for a few moments, then drew himself up and ordered a low-pitched booming sound, before turning around and pulling himself back up the wall. The babies shrank back against the ground and trembled.

They're going to weld the tree! We don't know what the tree is, but we want to go! Can we, can we? they'd asked, all more or less speaking at once.

After a moment of apparent thought, Spot had ordered a loud NO, immediately followed by the command that they were not to Participate in any ridiculous human superstitions or meaningless exercises of excess, under the penalty of a swift machine-style spanking.

Andi glared after Spot, knowing that he could care less exactly how much or how little she liked him. He'd made exactly how he felt about her and her trying to push her human traditions on his offspring, and there was nothing more he felt he needed to see or hear.

The noise, however, had awakened the sleeping Fluffy, who drew herself up and shook the sleep out of her tentacles. I want you to go, she yawned. Just don't tell your father. You don't need to get his oil pressure up. 

Yes mom, they all responded in unison. Fluffy lifted up her satellite and let out a signal to let the sentinel know that she wanted her newly programmeds to come to her. Within a few moments, seven of the eight had arrived. Fluffy made a displeased grunting noise.

Where's Seven?

The seven babies all looked at one another and shrugged. Their parents simply called them seven through zero based on how quickly they'd emerged from their programming development pods. The humans had given them each nicknames based on their personalities.

Zero, the firstborn, was known as "Baby," after what Andi had screamed upon seeing the line following behind Fluffy. The second to emerge from her pod was just about the same size as Baby, and was known as "Snip." Snip and Baby were about the same size, and being the biggest of the newly programmeds, were constantly challenging one another for the right to be alpha over the smaller siblings. Snip was more like her father than Baby was, and was known from snapping at people.

Two, otherwise known as "Zoom," was the first of the males to emerge. Zoom was hyperactive, and spent pretty much all of his time zooming from place to place. Andi foresaw a future in delivery services for him. He'd hatched at nearly the same time as his sister "Dizzy", who had come out of her pod backwards, and did nearly everything backwards. The only think keeping Dizzy on track was Zoom's strong attachment to her, and that he was always watching over her.

The next to emerge had been the only other "male" of the group, "Bon-Bon." No one knew exactly how he got that name, but it had seemed to have stuck to him. Bon-bon was a bit on the territorial side, and like his sister Snip, had trouble getting along with the humans about him.

The sixth infant was Peaches, so called because of her odd habit of sucking peach juices up into her cooling system. She had to clean her radiator far more often than her water-drinking siblings because peach juice was sticky, but she didn't seem to mind. She spent most of her time in the kitchen, and had become rather quickly adept at cooking, despite her inability to taste-test what she was preparing.

The seventh of the newly programmeds was named Sugarcube. Sugarcube was the smallest of the young, and when they'd arrived, had been lagging behind her siblings. Fluffy only had six energy download ports and eight infants, so Sugarcube had been finding herself too small to push in and get any energy. The runt of the family, she'd been on the verge of starvation until Andi and Gauge had devised a method of making a filter that would act like the filters in Fluffy's body did, making the energy suitable for her young form. They'd essentially nursed her back to health, so she was attached far closer to humans than she was to her own kind. Hence why they'd named her Sugarcube. Not only did she love sweets; she was the sweetest of the infants.

Sleepyhead, the last to emerge from her pod, was always finding places to sneak off and sleep, which would explain why she was missing from the family gathering. Fluffy sighed loudly. She was tired of always having to hunt down her missing, sleeping daughter. 

Snip, would you go wake your sister? 

Yes mama. Snip hopped along the top of boxes, satellites extended, until she heard the gentle whirring noise of a powered-down sentinel. Jumping down, she used her jumper cable extensions to poke her sister in the head. Sleepyhead jumped up, looking wildy about, then made an angry noise when she realized it was only her sister.

The two crawled back over to where their parent was waiting. They hadn't quite learned to fly yet. They could hover and flit small distances, but when it came to large-scale movements they usually ended up clinging to walls and pulling themselves along. 

I want all of you to go to the tree welding, but I don't want any of you to tell your father. He's a bit high strung, and he already has enough stress to worry about. 

I don't want to go if daddy doesn't want me to go, Snip argued.

Fluffy grabbed Snip with her forward-facing arms and pulled her beneath her body, cleaning the wriggling little sentinel. Fluffy tended to clean her young when she wasn't in the mood to argue with them. You don't have to like it. I just want you to see why humans are different from us. If you can't understand what makes us superior, you can't understand why we live among them. 

Yes mama, all eight little machine voices said in unison, and the newly programmeds began to crawl off in the direction of where the tree welding was to be held. 

---

I intended this to be a one shot thing, but apparently it took me too long to introduce the characters for that. That, and I don't even really know what I want the plot to be. Well, I do have an idea, and it involves Morpheus being forced into a Santa suit. So there's your preview for future chapters, may I post them posthaste!


	2. Sugarcube's Present

Eternally a clique, Snip, Zoom, and Dizzy clung to the walls while several young men, their shirts slightly damp with sweat, assisted yet another group of young women in hauling in long, gangly wires that would be welded together to form a resemblance of a Christmas tree. Baby was trying to do anything she could to help them, but mostly getting her tentacles stepped on in the process.

Sugarcube and Sleepyhead were curled up around Michallis, powered down peacefully. The other infants were around as well, but doing nothing in particular. As usual, Peaches was covered in flour to the point where red eyes stuck out of a white face like bizarre lights in a snowbank. 

"Why do we have to make a new tree every year? We could just save the old ones!" someone whined.

"What, and ruin the tradition for the children?" someone else called back as they hefted the firm pole that would be the center into place. Several children, some bald and some not, sat around. Those closest to the front wore welding glasses over their eyes. A few older teenagers and young adults were hanging around as well, and the older they got the more they tried to look like they weren't there for the purpose of the tree welding.

Peaches offered a small tin containing cookies up to Michallis, who took one and passed them around. Sitting beside him, Gauge nodded softly, trying not to betray her thoughts. She was thinking of how nice the cookies probably would taste if she still had her taste buds.

She looked down to find Sugarcube looking up at her. She smiled, never letting her lips part in the process, and patted the baby sentinel on the head. She'd never thought she'd be able to like any machine after how much fun they'd seemed to have torturously yanking the muscle out of her mouth, but… the babies were impossibly cute. For giant black radioactive cockroaches, that was.

Sparks flew as the welders set to work, their torches finally being used for something other than the war effort. That, in and of itself, gave each welder a feeling of warmth in their hearts hotter than any flame that could come out of their torches. Dizzy trembled a bit, nervous about the sparks, before Zoom put a few of his tentacles around her and comforted his overly paranoid sister.

Michallis patted Sleepyhead's tentacles. "I hope the 'Santa' ship gets here soon. I want the newly programmeds to be able to ask for presents, too." After making sure none of the babies were really listening, he leaned over to Gauge and whispered "We've already got presents for them, but it can't hurt to let them ask."

Gauge merely nodded. Michallis smiled and continued on. "I wonder who gets to play Santa for all the kids in the free human empire this year. Not as if the end of the war isn't a big enough present as it…"

"I heard it was someone who got in BIG dooky with the Council during the war, and the council's making them do it as punishment," said a girl behind them, a younger child playing with a corncob doll perched on her knee. 

Overhead, several adult sentinels including Fluffy and Spot, shot by and out an opening above the main gates. They still hadn't been able to find the parts they needed to fix the landing lights on the surface, so the sentinels had to go out and guide in incoming ships. "I hope that's them now," Michallis smiled, rubbing Sugarcube on the head. He failed to notice Sugarcube removing a small packet of crystallized energy from his pocket and shoving it into her mouth orifice, chewing in a satisfied manner. 

It was, indeed, the "Santa" ship, bringing presents that were more or less relics recovered from the surface now that it was relatively safe to travel there and into the ruined cities. The children were beyond excited. No more hand me down presents and corncob dolls, they hoped. They hoped, beyond all their dreams… for real toys left over from the great wars. Left over from the time when humans walked upon the surface of Earth, and all Earth's beasts and things were man's to command.

You think I too hard on kids, do you? Spot asked as he took up a cable to guide the ship in. His mate, taking up another cable, hummed in a way that indicated she was being thoughtful.

Maybe little. I understand not want them to become… too human… but don't see how it hurt them. Take up cable more, 00010001110! 

The crimson-eyed sentinel with a weld scar running the length of her carapace took up the slack on her cable, pulling it tight. Most of the sentinel living inside the human cities had been injured in some way in the war. Don't let ship sides hit rock! Fluffy commanded. She was the head of all guardian operations at the base, as she'd been living among humans the longest. At first the others had grumbled about having a traitor for a leader, but only Spot and Andromeda had the experience to replace her, and neither would be willing to do so. 

Andromeda waited inside, controlling the panels that opened and shut the gates. She wasn't like the other squid sentinel, although she was what the humans would have lumped in the category of sentinel during the war. Her main body was a circle covered in eyes, with two giant shoulder pad shaped projections like muscular arms on either side of her main body. Out of the ends of each arm came three slender, agile white tentacles that looked like fatted worms. And unlike the squid sentinel, she was blue. 

At one time, Andromeda had been head of the task force to find and wipe out machines that had become converts. Then, for reasons no one understood, Andromeda had become a true traitor, abandoning the machines via her own free choice and not via human intervention. Unlike Fluffy and Spot, her eyes were green. Rumor had it that Andromeda had been betrayed by her own mate, and had joined the humans out of spite, but that had happened long before she was Matriculated and even she no longer remembered the details. However it had happened, Andromeda's talents at leadership and multitasking made her an excellent choice to oversee the dock machinery.

The Santa ship landed and the doors slid open. A young African woman stood in the doorway, calling angrily back. "Come ON! The children are waiting!" She jumped back into the ship, and emerged from the ship pushing a tall, muscular black man in crude, red knitted Santa suit and beard.

Fluffy, landing, recognized the "Santa" instantly, from the one time she'd been allowed to meet the three humans central to the war. The realization struck Fluffy as so funny… she rolled over on her back, crossed all her tiny arms over her belly, and laughed in her mechanical voice, her tentacles flailing. 

"I'm being laughed at by a sentinel," Morpheus said in a monotone voice, feeling ridiculous. The council hadn't been kidding when they said they had a punishment in mine for him… this was torture!

"That's just Fluffy," the dock captain apologized.

"Yes. We've met before. It was wearing make-up," he said dryly. He wasn't kidding. Fluffy had been decorated up and down by Andi in an attempt to make her more appealing to the council when she stopped in for a progress update on her training. In his opinion, a sentinel still looked like a sentinel no matter how much jewelry and paint it was wearing.

Spot nudged his mate back upright. Come on, babies are hungry. 

Fluffy pushed him with one long tentacle. You no fun. He look stupid! 

Human always look stupid, Spot snorted before the two sauntered off together, Fluffy's mechanical laughter still echoing off the walls. The newly programmeds dinner alarm clocks had long ago gone off, and they were all waiting with wagging tentacles for their dinner cart to arrive. 

What you going to ask Santa human to bring you presents? Fluffy asked as her young gathered around her. She managed to catch Peaches before the poor little sentinel could reach a download port and set herself to the task of cleaning flour off her speckled young. The baby wiggled about beneath the dozens of tiny arms that lined her mother's belly as the arms brushed the flour and picked gobs of dough off of her. Real cookie dough, it was worth noting, and not protein rich mush or the plain bread that had merely kept the humans alive before, when they had to hide their every activity from the machines.

It had only been a few months, but what a difference it had made.

Something fast! Zoom replied, busily downloading his nightly filtered energy meal out of his mother. 

Something sharp, Snip answered. The others were too busy "suckling" to really answer their mother's question, so she merely sighed and set herself to the task of cleaning her babies. Spot, resting nearby, growled deeply.

Still don't want newly programmeds taking part in human excess. 

Fluffy fixed her dozen or so red eyes upon Spot and sighed deeply, blowing hot exhaust out in frustration. Humans no live in excess before war. Humans barely got anything. Let them forget real world not so good for humans. 

If Fluffy want, Spot sighed. He began climbing up the walls. 

You no sleep in nest tonight? Fluffy asked, rolling partially back onto her belly, causing the infants trying to get to the ports on her belly to squeak angrily in protest.

Spot… need space, he answered, vanishing up the lines to the roof. Fluffy sighed deeply; feeling slightly miffed by Spot's wounded pride.

The next morning Fluffy flew down to where the children had begun to line up to see "Santa" before he would have to depart to head for the next outpost. The next outpost was last because it was newest, and perhaps most important… it was an outpost that had been formed to take back the wheat fields that many valiant citizens had lost their lives trying to hold. 

If they could have a steady supply of wheat and bread again, maybe things could become a little better… bit by tiny bit, things would get better. There was even talk of asking the Machine City to send more sentinels, which the machines had no use for themselves in peacetime, to the fields to help with the growing process. Since Peaches had learned to develop a program within herself that taught her to get pleasure out of baking, maybe her program could be modified to teach the adult sentinel to get pleasure (or the machine's version of it) out of farming. 

Peaches, meanwhile, had no idea of exactly how important she would be to the future of free mankind. She was busy deciding if she wanted to ask for a rolling pin or cookie cutters, as her turn in line was rapidly approaching.

"I have to let baby SENTINEL sit on my lap?" Morpheus hissed in an angry whisper to one of "Santa's assistants." 

"The little one with the white face… she's the one with the program that may allow us to teach sentinel to farm. The one sucking on her own tentacles… she's the one who seems to thoroughly enjoy human contact. Even the one biting that guy's ankles… her talent as a mechanic is far above her tender young age…."

"Okay, okay, I get it. Please the baby sentinel because we need their programming to use on the adult sentinel." 

The assistant patted him on the shoulder and smiled. "Now that's the Christmas spirit!"

The babies went, as usual, in birth order. Baby nearly crushed poor Morpheus in the important man-parts when she decided to leap into his lap. Using a trick she'd learned from a friendly robot who had once tried to unsuccessfully court her mother, she snaked one of her tiny upload cables around and into a jack located further down the spine.

Needless to say, this caused a big jump out of "Santa," who certainly hadn't been expecting it. He was on the verge of screaming that he was about to be attacked when a tiny voice spoke into his head. "Something shiny, please. A toy," it said. It sounded like the voice of a frightened, wounded child speaking within his head. It kind of tingled all over when she spoke.

Then, as quickly as she'd jacked in, Baby withdrew her chord and went running for her mother, diving behind her and peeping out. He scary, Baby said in a decisive manner, hugging her mother's tentacles.

I not scared of him! Snip announced, stalking directly up and sticking out her upload chord, waiting for him to take hold of it and plug himself in. When he merely stared at it, she waved it impatiently in his face.

He doesn't know what you want, dear. Plug yourself in, Fluffy answered, trying to calm a still scared Baby.

Snip gave Morpheus what he would swear was a sneer before jacking herself in, and frankly, it kind of hurt. She wasn't a gentle little sentinel by any means. "Sharp thing, cutting thing," a girl's voice demanded in his head before Snip roughly yanked her plug out. She turned heel to stalk away and lost her balance, falling flat on her face.

Ignoring the laughter behind her, Snip picked herself up and trotted angrily away. Zoom asked for a stopwatch, to time himself. Bon-bon didn't care what he got, and Peaches decided on cookie cutters. Dizzy, sitting facing away from Morpheus on his lap, couldn't make up her mind what she wanted. Finally, she simply said "Surprise me!" and trotted a few feet away before a shining ornament caught her attention, and she would proceed to spend the next hour staring at her own reflection.

Finally, it was Sugarcube's turn. Sugarcube, though normally the most loving of humans of the newly programmeds, hesitated and trembled. Her mother pushed her forward, telling her not to be afraid. Sugarcube only reluctantly approached the strange human, and was slow in extending her upload chord.

"You have a pillow under your shirt," Sugarcube noted cautiously. "I… I ask for some crystallized energy; it's sweet and I like it… but sisters said it silly to ask for sugar… once I eat, I don't have present…"

What was it that the almighty Morpheus felt? Could it be a tinge of pity, of sympathy for a baby sentinel? No, no, definitely not… "You can… ask for whatever you want…" he said hesitantly, uncertain of exactly what to say to a hesitant machine. "If you want something sweet…"

Sugarcube shook her head. "Wanna ask for something sensible. Not let sisters laugh… dunno what to ask for."

"Why don't you… think about it some more… and tell me when you've decided? My ship doesn't leave for the wheat outpost until after the evening meal."

"Is that okay?" Sugarcube asked, red eyes shining.

"I… don't see any reason why it wouldn't be."

Sugarcube hugged him perhaps a bit too joyously, forgetting her sheer size even for an infant and the strength of her metal arms. He gagged, and one of the assistants would later swear she saw his eyes bug out of his head. "Gonna think of a good present! One sisters not laugh at!" With that, she took off flying… and fell down after about five feet. Well, it was still an accomplishment. The last time she tried to fly, she fell down after about as far as she could jump. Trotting as fast as her little grabber claws would take her, she ran off to decide what it was that would bring her little sentinel self joy. 

Sleepyhead looked Morpheus in the eye, yawned, and extended her plug. "Want tentacle warmers. Knitted ones. It cold sleeping in the storage bay." With that, she left. Sleepyhead was, above all things, not a complicated sentinel. She went as far as the base of the unlit welded tree, curled up around it, and promptly powered down to go back to sleep.

Sugarcube, meanwhile, was out on a mission. She had about seven hours left before the evening meal… seven hours in which to decide what the perfect present for a baby sentinel would be. 


End file.
